Category: Comfort

Who Are You Today?

Who Are You Today?

Who are you today?
Is the person I know there?
Or have you gone away?

Right know you still know my name,
But whether you love me or have me
Depends on whether I play along with your mental games!

They say I should not argue or disagree,
And never contradict,
But the mean things you say I know cannot be.

You are living in delusions and bad dreams,
And you believe all you see there,
Even at the expense of tearing your family apart it seems.

You claim things are stolen, carried away,
And even when for you we find them;
You cannot possibly be wrong so, “that is not them,” you say!

Some things you even tell us where to look,
And when we bring them to you,
You are surprised and shook.

Some days you are almost you.
Other days you are angry and mean.
Your character changes by whose talking with you.

You scream, yell, beat your fists,
Play the victim, the martyr, the guilt and pity cards.
Your words and personality are a constant twist.

You’ve become so ugly and mean,
Your loved ones cringe at your name on their phone,
Because of the stress the conversation will glean.

We try to help you any way that we can,
But the more we do,
The more the flames of your delusions fan.

We watch as you steadily decline,
In both body and mind,
Knowing the help, you need you will never agree to find.

I see only glimpses of the person I once knew.
If you could truly see and hear yourself,
You would know this is not you!

You used to worry so much about what people would think.
Now the things you say and do,
Would have made the real you, in shame shrink!

You talk about and try to end your life.
You say you wish you have never married, never had kids.
Your words drip with hate and we do our best to take it in strife.

Who are you today?
Will you talk to me, love me, hug me,
Or bang your fists, scream, cry and send me away?

Who are you today?
Will I know you at all except by your face?
And will your words be more things I wish you wouldn’t say?

Who are you today?
Will we get a tiny glimpse at least for a moment,
Of our loved one today?

Who are you today?
We beg you to get help before it’s too late.
And this person stays, and the real you goes completely away.

Who are you today?
We know it will happen eventually,
But if you just let us get you help, it wouldn’t have to be today.

Ginger Burow
11/14/24

Alzheimer’s and Dementia are rude and cruel diseases, not only to the individual that has it, but also to everyone they love and that loves them. It turns them into people they would never aspire to be, causing them to act in ways that would mortify them if they were in their right minds.

As a family member it calls into question everything you thought you knew about them and yourself. You constantly have to remind yourself, they don’t know what they are doing or saying. But just like what they are doing and saying they believe is real when it isn’t, it is also very real to you that they are treating you this way and talking to you in this manner, and accusing your of atrocious things. It is very hard to accept that the person that is supposed to love you, can be the meanest, ugliest person to you. That they can speak to you with a voice dripping with disdain, venom and hate all because you didn’t agree with something they said. They can be so angry an unbelieving that they need medical help, that they hate you, wish you were never born, want to kill themselves, and sometimes you.

Your soul aches and pities them wanting to help, but they refuse. Your mind and heart reel from their words, actions and voice unable to believe that they really don’t know what they are doing and saying, but knowing there is no other answer, because the real person would be distraught if they could really see their own behavior.

Love is the answer, and you try to keep that going and in mind, but some days it is very hard to remember this person loved you. Try your best to remember who they were instead of who they are now. Take a moment alone to cry when you need to, and realize you may need it more than you allow. That is where distance has become a friend. Just for a few days when things are super ugly you minimize contact just until the current rage calms a bit. Then you get a few days of someone close to who they should be. Oh for those few days!

Faith and God are the strongholds, along with family. Staying strong as a family even though this loved one may be trying desperately to tear you apart in order to bolster their delusional beliefs is a major key. Support one another and your dementia patient as best as you can. You will need each other as this progresses. Sometimes sharing your experiences about the situation is the best way to release stress and gain a hold in the moment.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for comfort, strength, peace and love. But above all pray for help through God’s wisdom as to how to proceed and confront each situation as it comes. Pray for the Holy Spirit to intercede on your behalf, guiding your thoughts, words and deeds while working with this person and your involved family. Pray for peace and joy in each day amidst the storms and the power to recognize the blessings that are still there.

Lastly, take a walk. Look to God’s glorious and beautiful world to show you there is still wonder and beauty to be had. Then fill your soul with it every chance you get, especially in between the gathering storms, so that His inner peace might lead you. This is appropriate for all life’s trials.


Day 323-Mystery of Easter

Easter is a time of joy;
It is a time of true love.
When God showed the world He cared,
And came down to us from above.

He sent His Son to us all,
That we might be forgiven.
That we all might learn to forgive,
And in faith go on living.

He spared not even His life;
So that we might come to believe,
And understand His love for us.
So that loving one another, we might achieve.

For God so loved the world,
He gave His only Son to die,
So that those who believe in Him,
Should have everlasting life.

This is God’s love for us all.
This is God’s gift of grace to us each.
This is why we have faith in Him.
This is the Mystery of Easter which we teach!

Have a happy and Blessed Easter!

Day 138-Focus Challenge 1-Comfort

It was suggested to me that the picture I posted of the hay field shrouded in fog, gave one of my readers comfort. It wasn’t actually a writing suggestion, but I decided to run with it anyway. Thank you, Mary Beth Lindig Kendrick.

When I originally posted that picture, I just liked it, and for me the fog suggested a bit of mystery, or even spookiness, yet beauty. My friend suggested to me that for her, it brought forth feelings of comfort. For her it was a sense of home, safety, and a blanketing of comfort. I had never looked at fog quite like that, but I definitely can see where she sees this, and it got me to looking at it a bit differently.

I began to think of the things we associate comfort with, and what comfort means.

By definition: (according to Merriam Webster)
First in the verb, it means: to give strength and hope; or to ease the grief or trouble of.
As a noun, it means: to be a strengthening support or assistance, solace; or a contented well-being; satisfying or enjoyable experience.

I believe we all understand and can agree on what comfort is in the first sense of comforting one in grief or stress, but comfort as a noun, is where we both agree and disagree. Or perhaps, not disagree, but instead, differ as to what it is or does for each of us.

For this discussion, let’s focus on the definition: as a noun. So the question is, what do we associate with comfort?

There is a wide variety of things that we associate with bringing us that sense of safety, solace, cheer, well-being, and all around stress and grief free feeling, if only for a little while? We use things such as food, clothing, places, activities and people to help us achieve that sought after sense of comfort.

Have you ever thought about what makes you feel comfort? Perhaps it is different things at different times or for different reasons?

Food is quite often a big one for many. We eat things that remind us of better and calmer times, when things were happy. Ice cream, chocolate, desserts, and even candy are often turned to because they were many times childhood rewards or treats for special times and occasions.  Certain dinners or dishes that mom or grandma used to make can also be sought after as comforts.

I like fried turkey steak, home-made oatmeal cookies, coconut cream pie, and red velvet cake with my grandmothers cooked butter cream icing. I grew up eating turkey steak because we raised turkeys my whole life. Oatmeal cookies remind me of hauling hay with our neighbors. Meta would always make a washtub (I kid you not) full of oatmeal cookies, with tea and lemonade for a break when we came to do their hay.  My Oma Birck (grandmother) always made coconut cream pie and red velvet cake for birthdays. They were two of my favorite things she made. Do you have comfort foods? What are they, and why?

A piece of clothing or a blanket may also create good feelings of comfort. Growing up in an old rock house, I was always cold because it held the cold in, so I was usually wrapped up in a blanket or six. Because of this, even in the heat of summer I don’t sleep well unless it is cool enough to be under at least a sheet and preferably a light blanket. But ironically summer clothes are my comfort clothes, because though I love my blankets, I don’t like being bundled tightly in anything especially not heavy clothes for winter. Shorts and beach dresses are my comfort clothes.

The beach, Enchanted Rock State Park, and the waterfall on our creek are some of my comfort places. Before E-Rock was a state park we went there on a regular basis to climb, run around, and play so it is a big childhood fun time memory place for me. When ever my family didn’t have time for big vacation trips which by the time I came along they were few and far between, we would go down to the beach and play around for a few days. The sand, the waves, and the sea shells are the best source of comfort and peace I know. They just seem to reach into my soul and relax me. The waterfall on our home place is a spot filled with family and friend memories throughout my life. We swam, bathed, picnicked, played, fished,and just hung out there. Often it was a good place to escape to think, write, cry and relax alone as well.

And to add to this list there is one place I love and that is Disney World. I have only been twice in my lifetime, but I found it fun and fascinating each time. If I could afford to go often and take my family it would be a comfort place as well, because it represents the best parts of life which is the magic of youth and imagination, where you can just have fun, be silly and ride the same ride five times in a row if you want to, before moving on to the next adventure.

Where are your comfort places? Do you still go to any of them? Why are they special?

Other things that give me comfort, are many of the beauties of the natural world, put there by the Lord for all to observe. Sunsets, sunrises, fields of flowers, large bodies of water, fields of hay, most baby animals, and my children, all inspire comfort and joy in my heart and soul.

Stop for a moment and reflect, what are your comfort things?