Who Are You Today?

Who Are You Today?

Who are you today?
Is the person I know there?
Or have you gone away?

Right know you still know my name,
But whether you love me or have me
Depends on whether I play along with your mental games!

They say I should not argue or disagree,
And never contradict,
But the mean things you say I know cannot be.

You are living in delusions and bad dreams,
And you believe all you see there,
Even at the expense of tearing your family apart it seems.

You claim things are stolen, carried away,
And even when for you we find them;
You cannot possibly be wrong so, “that is not them,” you say!

Some things you even tell us where to look,
And when we bring them to you,
You are surprised and shook.

Some days you are almost you.
Other days you are angry and mean.
Your character changes by whose talking with you.

You scream, yell, beat your fists,
Play the victim, the martyr, the guilt and pity cards.
Your words and personality are a constant twist.

You’ve become so ugly and mean,
Your loved ones cringe at your name on their phone,
Because of the stress the conversation will glean.

We try to help you any way that we can,
But the more we do,
The more the flames of your delusions fan.

We watch as you steadily decline,
In both body and mind,
Knowing the help, you need you will never agree to find.

I see only glimpses of the person I once knew.
If you could truly see and hear yourself,
You would know this is not you!

You used to worry so much about what people would think.
Now the things you say and do,
Would have made the real you, in shame shrink!

You talk about and try to end your life.
You say you wish you have never married, never had kids.
Your words drip with hate and we do our best to take it in strife.

Who are you today?
Will you talk to me, love me, hug me,
Or bang your fists, scream, cry and send me away?

Who are you today?
Will I know you at all except by your face?
And will your words be more things I wish you wouldn’t say?

Who are you today?
Will we get a tiny glimpse at least for a moment,
Of our loved one today?

Who are you today?
We beg you to get help before it’s too late.
And this person stays, and the real you goes completely away.

Who are you today?
We know it will happen eventually,
But if you just let us get you help, it wouldn’t have to be today.

Ginger Burow
11/14/24

Alzheimer’s and Dementia are rude and cruel diseases, not only to the individual that has it, but also to everyone they love and that loves them. It turns them into people they would never aspire to be, causing them to act in ways that would mortify them if they were in their right minds.

As a family member it calls into question everything you thought you knew about them and yourself. You constantly have to remind yourself, they don’t know what they are doing or saying. But just like what they are doing and saying they believe is real when it isn’t, it is also very real to you that they are treating you this way and talking to you in this manner, and accusing your of atrocious things. It is very hard to accept that the person that is supposed to love you, can be the meanest, ugliest person to you. That they can speak to you with a voice dripping with disdain, venom and hate all because you didn’t agree with something they said. They can be so angry an unbelieving that they need medical help, that they hate you, wish you were never born, want to kill themselves, and sometimes you.

Your soul aches and pities them wanting to help, but they refuse. Your mind and heart reel from their words, actions and voice unable to believe that they really don’t know what they are doing and saying, but knowing there is no other answer, because the real person would be distraught if they could really see their own behavior.

Love is the answer, and you try to keep that going and in mind, but some days it is very hard to remember this person loved you. Try your best to remember who they were instead of who they are now. Take a moment alone to cry when you need to, and realize you may need it more than you allow. That is where distance has become a friend. Just for a few days when things are super ugly you minimize contact just until the current rage calms a bit. Then you get a few days of someone close to who they should be. Oh for those few days!

Faith and God are the strongholds, along with family. Staying strong as a family even though this loved one may be trying desperately to tear you apart in order to bolster their delusional beliefs is a major key. Support one another and your dementia patient as best as you can. You will need each other as this progresses. Sometimes sharing your experiences about the situation is the best way to release stress and gain a hold in the moment.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for comfort, strength, peace and love. But above all pray for help through God’s wisdom as to how to proceed and confront each situation as it comes. Pray for the Holy Spirit to intercede on your behalf, guiding your thoughts, words and deeds while working with this person and your involved family. Pray for peace and joy in each day amidst the storms and the power to recognize the blessings that are still there.

Lastly, take a walk. Look to God’s glorious and beautiful world to show you there is still wonder and beauty to be had. Then fill your soul with it every chance you get, especially in between the gathering storms, so that His inner peace might lead you. This is appropriate for all life’s trials.